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Friday, November 5th, 2004
6:47 pm
So I'm in Philly. I got a job!!  The place is called, "Global Industries." In a way, it's kind of like Crane Industries but my family isn't in charge...which is a pretty good thing.  This place is so awesome and I feel so comfortable and accepted here. They gave me a choice of what I want to do: Move to Philly and set up residence there OR stay in Harmony and have the work sent to me...but make less money.  I don't want to move away from my friends, but if I stay I wouldn't be making enough money. I guess  I'll figure it out.  Anyway, I'm about to leave to head back to Harmony to get some of my stuff.  I'm going to stay here for a bit and see if I like it and then decide.  But honestly? I think that I want to move to Philly and start over again.  Everything apart of my life in Harmony is so screwed up.  I hurt two wonderful women and half the male population of Harmony hates me.  Syd was smart leaving Harmony, because that town brings so much drama and pain.  GTG! My taxi is here! See you all in 2 days!

current mood: guilty

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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
2:09 pm
i don't know what to do.

current mood: confused

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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
11:57 am

So Theresa is coming back tonight sometime and I'm supposed to pick her up at the airport.  She's going to call me from the plan before they land and let me know what time her flight is landing. 

Moving on though-I think Whitney hates me because I haven't told her or Theresa yet who I wanted to be with.  But I thought about it again from re-reading Whitney's last post.  If I were to be with Whitney, I would hurt Theresa.  But if I were with Theresa, I would hurt Whitney.  I don't want to hurt either of them but why does everything have to be so complicated?  Oh well, I might as tell everyone through LJ my decision.  I chose Whitney.  But now after thinking about, I don't think I could be with Whitney knowing how hurt Theresa would be(and vice versa) So I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I can't be with either of them.  because it would hurt the other and hurt me to see them hurt and feeling used.  So I guess I'm still the same fox crane everyone thought I was when I returned to Harmony. Either way-I'm sorry Theresa & Whitney.  I hope you both know where I'm coming from with this decision.



current mood: blah

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Monday, October 18th, 2004
11:10 am
So I finally got word from theresa. What a relief. She's currently still in NY and I guess she & Gwen are going to court according to Pilar?? I don't know-Theresa said they weren't REALLY going to court over the babies. Her & Gwen have something set up or arranged or something like that Anyway-Theresa got lost apparently in NY and somehow managed to end up on the other side of the city. her cell had died due to a low battery and she didn't have any extra money to call us or get a cab. But she's fine now, and has had the babies. But I think she's staying with Ethan in NY. i don't know when she is coming home but I'm guessing soon.

Anyway-I think i'm going to stop working at Crane Industries. There just isn't anything there for me anymore. My father has no concern whatsoever for me. but rather the son he had with Dr.Russel, because I'm sure he's trying to get closer to her. But what he should be doing, is caring about the son who has been around and has been working like crazy. But whatever. I'm going to venture out on my own and work somewhere where i'm respected. because my current boss, only wants to restart an old flame that will probably die out AGAIN because i'm sure Dr.Russel still has feelings for Mr.Russell. And my father is just a horrible person, and I think Dr.Russell will realize that in time.

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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
5:00 pm
So sorry I haven't been updating my journal much but I just got back from New York yesterday.  Still haven't seen or heard anything from Theresa.  But apparently according to Gwen's journal-Theresa is fine and that she's delivered the babies.  I'm so glad she's okay but I wish Gwen would tell us where Theresa is.  Whitney left NY a couple of days ago from being short on funds and I came back because now Theresa is safe.  Man, I was so worried during those couple of days.  I really wonder where Theresa AND Gwen are.  Haven't gotten any word from Gwen either.  Seems unlike her to leave us all hanging with important critical info, you know?  Anyway-so apparently while we were gone, father decided to let Chad be in charge of C. Industries rather than just giving him a job and MY office.  Wow, isn't that just a b*tch?  I really hate my father sometimes.  I just wish he had the common decency to tell me first rather than do it when I was away.  I gotta go take a shower before heading off to the mansion to see if anyone there has heard from Gwen/or Theresa.  Talk to you all later!

current mood: relieved

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Monday, October 4th, 2004
11:12 am - man...
Still no sign of Theresa. My hopes of finding her are starting to slowly decline. I really wish I knew where she was and if not, just knowing that she's alright. And Ethan's made some important discovery or something like that, but doesn't feel like sharing it with the rest of the world. Well, don't announce it on LJ then. Because I'm thinking it has to do with Theresa and that's why he won't share the info.

anyway-we're all really worried now because it's been a couple of days since she's been gone. Still no word or sign of her. Sounds like a typical day in New York, I guess. But we need to find her. because what if she goes into labor or she's hurt somewhere in a dark alley?? Anyyway-off to seach again with Gwen. Whitney's already out searching..probably with Ethan, I guess.

current mood: scared

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Friday, October 1st, 2004
11:12 am
Still no sign of Theresa. Me and Whit went down to the police station to see if they could help us out. but those cops down at the station were rude and just plain mean. They hardly voiced a concern that a young pregnant woman is out there alone wandering this city's street. What kind of police officers are they? Isn't that their job? To care about others? to help others?? Obviously these cops never took that lesson in school. I was just so frustrated with them. But I'm still really worried about Theresa. We've all been searching for her and waiting to hear from her, but no such luck. I wonder what could of happened? Maybe she's hurt or maybe she's been kindapped or something like that. I mean this city is very dangerous when you're alone. especially if you're pregnant. im going crazy with fear and worry. I NEED to know where she is and if she's okay. I just need for her to be alright... I need to go out again and look for her right now. because I won't/can't stop until I find her or get in touch with her. Hopefully she'll be okay still once that happens. IF that happens..

current mood: indescribable

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Thursday, September 30th, 2004
11:13 am
NYC is an awsome place. haven't done much yet since we've got here except a little sighseeing but we'll get to it tonight and the rest of the time here. We seem to be missing Theresa. She's been gone for a few hours after "going out to get food." I'm worried about her. I mean a pregnant girl walking around a big city like this ALONE, isn't good. I think that maybe something happended to her, because I don't think getting food would take that long...

current mood: worried

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
11:06 am

So leaving for New York today.  I'm almost done packing and getting all my stuff together, but I feel like I'm forgetting something.  Hmm, I wonder what else I could possibly pack?  But we're leaving soon, so I guess I better hurry up and remember.  So I'm the only guy going on this trip and I'll be with 3 gorgeous girls the entire time.  What  a lucky guy I am. haha. so gotta get going and hurry up with my packing.  so see you all in a couple of days and I'll update on the plane or while there or something.  But i'll make sure to update about how our trip is going. 

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Monday, September 27th, 2004
11:11 am
Mmm a couple days in NYC.  Sounds fun.  I guess i'm
going  except Whitney is having seconds thoughts about going since
she found out I was possibly going.  So I might bail out because I
don't want to ruin the fun for her, gwen and theresa.  Just like
they need a couple of days away from Harmony, so do I.  Even
though I just recently came back from Boston but that was all work
stuff.  So no fun for me as of recently.  I was supposed to
meet Paloma when I got back to Harmony but turns out she headed back
out there to Mexico because of all the family issues they've been
having.  Guess we'll just have to meet up some other time, Paloma.  Anyway-I
think I got my answer to who I want to chose.  I had this amazing
yet confusing dream last night and this morning, I realized that the
answer was within the dream.  So I guess I'll announce it whenever
is the right time. But Whitney-go to NY and have fun.  I won't go
if you're not going because of me.  Because I know Theresa really
wants you to go with her.  I'll just bail out and stay here in
Harmony. 

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Saturday, September 25th, 2004
6:13 pm
Damn. I really should of read her post about the decision.  Thanks to everyone's commenting, I finally read her entry.  She didn't chose Ethan.  It was me, the whole time.  She just wanted to make me and whitney happy... which seems like the start of her unhappiness.  Boy, this changes everything now that I know. I'm happy yet confused about what to do.  I guess now it's my turn to make a decision just like she did.  I think i'll need a lot of thinking time for this one-

current mood: grateful

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1:20 pm

So I'm back in Harmony now.  I haven't contacted anyone yet telling them I was back but I guess this post is the announcement to you all.  Now that I think about, if Theresa had called earlier before I got on the plane; I don't think I would be here in Harmony right now.  I got on the earliest plane to hear what what her decision was.  But turns out, I didn't even need to be here in Harmony to hear who she chose.  Ethan.


I'm really tempted to read her post about the decision because i'm just so curious but I'd rather not read all about the things Ethan has over me.  Or all the things Ethan can give her and not me.  Or whatever Ethan obtains that she does not find in me.  I can't help but wonder what could of been if she didn't chose ethan. All the possible things we could of shared...


Then comes the Whitney situation. I guess she does have feelings for me.  And then enters some other mysterious person who's crushing on me.  Not that it's unusual :-p  haha.  Anyway-Chad hates my guts and is just being a major pain about everything.  He's being stubbon and all I want him to do is understand where I'm coming from. And I just want him to believe me that I was a GOOD friend and didn't betray him.  I didn't turn my back on him and I didn't like beg Whitney to be with me or anything.  I just let them be together and put my own personal feelings aside.  It's a simple concept.  I just wish that he believed me.  Because now I've lost a best friend and brother.  and instead, i've now got a half-brother who's bitter and angered towards me. 


sigh. I wish I knew what to do.  Or what to say to everyone.  I don't even know what to do about this Whitney/Theresa thing.  Nor do I know how to approach this Chad problem.  Life has turned so complicated within a matter of a week. I had really set my hopes up to be with Theresa but this Whitney thing has totally changed everything all around.  I need advice.  I need help.  I need a friend. I need...comfort, appreciation, love, concern.  something resembling love---



current mood: stressed

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Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
3:14 pm

Damn, has the past 24 hours been crazy.  I called Theresa from the plane the other day and she didn't chose me. I didn't even bother reading her entry about who she chose.  It's obvious that if it wasn't me, that she chose Ethan.  I should of known.  She's been in love with him since...well forever.  I was really disappointed and depressed, to be honest. Actually, she sounded more disappointed and depressed herself.  Anyway-then she said something along the lines of "Whitney loves you.  She said so"  or something along that sort.  Then she hung up.  Wow.  I was shocked.  I tried calling her back to make sure what I heard was true but she didn't pick up. Anyway-so then I read Whitney's journal and it's true. 


Sigh.  I really don't know what to do.  I love whitney still but I also have feelings for Theresa. Whitney didn't even WANT to love me before.  But Theresa has always been willing.  But I have loved Whitney ever since I first saw her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  I don't know if I'm supposed to chose or what? I don't wanna hurt anyone but I also want to make the right decision. But I don't even know who I love more yet, so how can I chose?  I was supposed to be back in Harmony yesterday afternoon but my flight transfer got cancelled.  So I had to wait for the next available.  Meaning, I'll be back in Harmony either late tomorrow morning or early tomorrow afternoon. 


Also, been reading up on Chad's journal.  He seems to think that I've been running around behind his back forcing Whitney to cheat on him with me or something.  He also thinks I'm trying to steal the crane name for myself.  Well damn right.  I'm the REAL heir.  Plus no matter what he thinks, I've been working like crazy at Crane Industries to just get that corner office and now my father just tosses Chad the job that I've been WORKING for. Isn't that unfair?  I don't understand why my father always put OTHER things ahead of his son.  His son who he's ignored for the duration of his life.  The son who has only wanted his family's acceptance, appreciation, and love.  But no...my father has to act like a jackass most of the time.



current mood: ???

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Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
6:55 pm

Theresa's made her decision.  But she doesn't want to say who yet until I'm back and until Ethan is around.  So I'm thinking about getting on the earliest plane tomorrow.  Hopefully-it's good news that concerns me.  Cause Ethan's not good for her.

 

Actually-nvm I PLAN to get on the earliest plan tomorrow morning and head to harmony.  See you all then!  I'll call you the second I get off the plane, Theresa!



current mood: cheerful

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Monday, September 20th, 2004
4:18 pm - Memo to self:
So I'm in my business meeting right now and I just realized something.  (Besides the point that I shouldn't even be updating my journal while in a meeting when I'm supposed to be taking notes)

Theresa is pretty much the very first friend I've ever had in my entire life. She's the first person who's ever been there for me Every SINGLE  time, and she's been able to listen to me. she hasn't been judgmental and hasn't abandoned me EVER. I really think that "we" WORK.  Hopefully, she'll feel the same.



current mood: lonely

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11:14 am
So I'm in Boston now doing some Crane Business and I have to say, I'm not the least bored.  Strange, huh?  Anyway-I hear that Paloma is back in town from Theresa.  I'll have to meet her when I get back next week.  And apparently-someone(or some PEOPLE) out there in Harmony is crushin on yours-truly.  I wish I knew who it was.  Anyway-i THINK it was the night before I left that I had a talk with Theresa.  I've decided to move on with my life and give up on my "mystery woman".  She doesn't love me nor will she feel anything close to resembling love from what it seems.  I'm not the one for HER so I've just decided to give up.  I want to give the relastionship with Theresa another try.  She has been probably one of the only people who has ever REALLY cared about and has felt some kind of pure love/concern for me.  And I really adore her for that.  And just for not believing all the crane rumors about me and just for defending me all the time.   She has been such a big part of my life ever sicne I came back to Harmony.  But I'm not exactly sure about how she feels about me.  Since Ethan has always been the "one" for her, so I don't know which person her hearts desires.  But its her choice and I won't rush her into making it if she's not ready. 

Anyway-I gotta go.  I've got a business meeting in half an hour and I still need to go freshen up.  I look horrible due to the lack of sleep I've been getting. 


current mood: busy

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Thursday, September 16th, 2004
6:39 pm - For now..
So I'm going out of town for about a week due to Crane Business.  I'll still be commenting here and there.  Maybe updating my LJ but I can't promise anyone that! Anyway-see you all in a week.  Because I've got to get going, the plane leaves soon!!

current mood: drained

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Thursday, September 9th, 2004
6:54 pm
Um so I revealed my secret. It didn't go so well. Whit ended up locking herself in her room and...just totally freaked out. They're both digusted by each other and just...pretty much probably hate me for being the one that told them. I think they think I'm lying but I assume that deep down inside themselves, they know I'm not.

Anyway-I'm sorry Whit & Chad for what's happened. And I'm sorry for being the one that broke the news to you...
-feel free to call me ANYtime if either of you needs to talk. I'm here.

current mood: worried

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
8:05 pm - Get it down

So I'm about to leave for Chad's place now to have the BIG talk with whitney & Chad...

I've already practiced what I'm going to say but I feel sick to my stomach from fright of the outcome. 

::Crosses Fingers:: I hope it goes well.  Wish me luck!



current mood: nervous

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Monday, September 6th, 2004
11:09 am - Surely Dip

So Chad's coming back today(or was it tomorrow?)-Either way I think that when he gets here, I'm going to have a chat with whitney AND chad about who our half-brother is....



current mood: contemplative

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